I would be the first to admit that I’m not the best at finishing things. It’s been approximately 3 months since my last post and I have no less than 8 drafts of posts that are all but finished, barely started, just an idea, or multiple versions of the same thing that I can’t figure out which to use. Those same 8 drafts have been there for the past 3 months, completely untouched. I haven’t even opened WordPress in that time.
Was the break intentional? Initially, but it wasn’t meant to be prolonged.
I had had grand plans of taking the entire month of November (NaNoWriMo) and all my free time therein to finish (or come close to finishing) Freak Accidents (because I actually do have an end in mind), but something happened somewhere in the middle of November that made me too excited to accomplish those grand plans.
My life updated. A friend needed a roommate and I realized that it was financially feasible for me to move out. We decided we’d move at the end of December.
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Have you ever had one of those problems that never happens when someone who could potentially fix the problem is actually looking? That’s an IT problem. It could also be a mechanical problem. Because these problems are most often related to computers or to cars. The best you can do is describe the problem as clearly as possible and keep checking back with the person who understands these kinds of problems until it happens again in front of them.
I have one of those problems. Now, strictly speaking, it’s not a problem; at least, not one that can be fixed. According to my cardiologist, I have mitral valve prolapse. I don’t really understand it, but I’m assured it’s not dangerous or anything I need to worry about. I just need to be aware of it, have tests every few years, and generally not worry. But I can’t actually be diagnosed unless it shows up on an echocardiogram. I’ve had several echoes—I won’t go into how weird it is to have an echo as a 15-year-old girl with your dad and a male doctor in the room—and each time my heart has behaved perfectly normally. But every once in a while, never during a test, I get funny palpitations that are a little bit unnerving. Maybe more than a little bit.
When the experts are looking, the problem never manifests itself.
Isn’t it so comforting knowing that we have a God who doesn’t have to be looking at just the right time in order to know that you have a problem? Who put you together just the way you are according to His design? There are many passages in the Bible that I repeatedly come back to, and Psalm 139 is one of them.
Last year, I noticed that the closer graduation became, the more done I got with doing school things. There was a time of my life when I would have been perfectly comfortable continuing with school for the rest of my life, so long as I had a good long break every once in a while. But that time has come and gone like a freight train (note that the average freight train is not exactly fast). So approximately six months before I graduated with my masters degree, something in my psyche went, “Why are we still doing this to ourselves? It’s time to be done! Staaaaaaahhhhhhp!” (My mental processes often have different personalities, which is why I sometimes think to myself in plural.)
Now that I’m officially done with school, and not just mentally done (nevermind that I’m thinking about taking a class next semester just because I can), my mind has latched on to another thing to be done with.
I’m done with living in someone else’s space.
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So a friend of mine, The Risabella Rambler, recently posted this post, “Adulthood Is Stupid,” which details all the reasons why children really shouldn’t want to grow up. And everything she says is all very true. Everything that we wanted to have as children that only adults get isn’t as free, or as fun, as we wanted it to be.
However, my life isn’t as bad as it should be, per my friend. I like my job and my co-workers, my rent is allowing me to pay for stuff, and my life is actually coming together quite nicely. I may not have an active social life, but I go out when I want to go out and stay in when I want to stay in. Sure, I’d like to be able to travel, but I have friends who wait and save up for travel opportunities, and I can work with that. And while the world is going to pots around our ears, it’s kind of been doing that since day 1, so I’m not particularly worried about anything, unless it suddenly stops going to pots. Which I think would be more worrying than everything else. Everything is pretty ok for me.
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