So a friend of mine, The Risabella Rambler, recently posted this post, “Adulthood Is Stupid,” which details all the reasons why children really shouldn’t want to grow up. And everything she says is all very true. Everything that we wanted to have as children that only adults get isn’t as free, or as fun, as we wanted it to be.
However, my life isn’t as bad as it should be, per my friend. I like my job and my co-workers, my rent is allowing me to pay for stuff, and my life is actually coming together quite nicely. I may not have an active social life, but I go out when I want to go out and stay in when I want to stay in. Sure, I’d like to be able to travel, but I have friends who wait and save up for travel opportunities, and I can work with that. And while the world is going to pots around our ears, it’s kind of been doing that since day 1, so I’m not particularly worried about anything, unless it suddenly stops going to pots. Which I think would be more worrying than everything else. Everything is pretty ok for me.
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So I graduated. And I got a full-time job. So I have officially started my adult life. Needless to say, I have mixed feelings.
Why should I have mixed feelings? I finished my last semester of grad. school with two A’s, got a job right after graduation, when I know many people don’t get jobs for years after their graduation. And it’s in my field no less. My job is relaxed (for the moment; I have been assured that it will get stressful as time moves on), I work with great people, and I have a great environment. Literally there is nothing to complain about. Aside from boredom, but that is easily alleviated. I have so much I am thankful for, and God has blessed me so much.
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On multiple occasions, I have had the privilege of taking classes with one particular teacher at — University. Throughout the classes that I have had with her (so far, Shakespeare’s early plays, late British literature, classical and medieval literature, and the Tudor renaissance), it has seemed to me that she often stressed this literary theme of knowing yourself. “Know thyself!” she would proclaim (loudly, with some pounding on the desk for emphasis).
Lately, as I progress through my graduate school days, I am discovering more and more how important it is to know yourself. Each day seems to be more and more of a journey of self-discovery. And, through self-discovery, growth. After all, how can you truly grow if you don’t know the areas in which you need growth? How can you repair a broken wall without first knowing what kind of materials the wall is made of?
Where did this particular reflection come from? A certain realization of my own character. I consider myself to be rather spontaneous. I don’t like fixed plans, and I like the changeability and flexibility that my life has right now. In fact, it’s quite safe to say that I dread routine. Schedules and lists are repulsive. And nothing irks me more than mandatory curfews and bedtimes. *Shudder*
But, at the same time, I would not be able to handle a life without some elements of a schedule, whether it be a class schedule or a work schedule. But I also like the flexibility of being able to change things at the drop of a hat (not that my current schedule affords me that kind of flexibility – but I can dream).
So, what have I learned from this bit of self-discovery? Not sure yet. I’ll let you know when it hits me.
Some might say I wasn’t born with a serious bone in my body. I would disagree. I have many serious bones, but they’re all buried so deeply that sometimes, I don’t even know where to find them. I’ve found one of them recently. And since I’m learning about openness and honesty, I’ll share it with you. This is one of my deepest, darkest fears. But I think it’s kind of a universal fear. One little four letter word: love.
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