You Thought I Was Joking?

Remember my post, “In Defense of Said“?  In case you thought I was joking, one of the things that inspired that post just popped back up on my Pinterest feed. I want to repin it and add a comment about how absurd some of these things are, but I don’t want to risk spreading the absurdity, lest anyone think I’m repinning it because I actually believe it.

 

I think the best part about this is that it doesn’t make any distinction between verbs that replace said and adverbs that should be used describing said. From the little heading, you’d think everything that follows are substitutes for the word said that tell you how things are said. So, you could get dialogue something like this:

“How could you do this to me?” She grieved.
“It was my only choice!” He wearied.
“Oh, come on,” belittled his friend. “It’s not all that bad.”
“It was just one time,” he wheedled.

How is wheedling in any way seductive? I’d think it would go under begging. Also, baiting involves taunting, not seducing. Perhaps this tumblr user meant bated, as in that old cliché, “with bated breath.” I still don’t think it would fit under the “seductive” category. Similarly, blurting isn’t always angry, stammering isn’t always because of fright, mumbling isn’t always because of weariness, and don’t get me started on the “mocking” ones.

I’ve looked through this tumblr user’s feed for this particular post, and apparently he/she went through the entire alphabet picking verbs that could be substitutes for said. I like that for V, verbalized was an option.

“So, what did you verbalize to her?” the teacher charged.
“I only warbled something about her hair,” the little boy demurred.

Maybe I’m taking this a bit too far…